Episode 8-Get #Unstuck and Move Forward: Tools to Deal with #Fear and #Worry

Fear, worry, and rumination stop us in our tracks and get us stuck. They are the hurdles and barriers we all face as we attempt to move toward our goal. They all fall under the umbrella of anxiety or anxious feelings (sometimes called stress), which has three main components: emotional (feelings of fear, dread), physiological (body sensations), and cognitive, where worry and rumination are both cognitive thought processes focused on potential problems or negative outcomes. Worry and rumination feel the same, but worry is often associated with present or future events, and rumination is associated with past events.

First, let's talk about tools to deal with the initial physiological and emotional components of anxiety or stress-- fear or dread. This involves two phases, coping and mastery.

Phase One: Coping: Coping involves managing the immediate reactions to fear. This might include the fight-or-flight response or developing coping mechanisms to reduce the intensity of the fearful feelings.

1) Calm Your Body and Mind: First, tell yourself that your body is having a normal reaction to feeling fear and that it can be OK and even useful. Then, focus on calming the body and mind through deep breathing, grounding, progressive relaxation, and techniques that shock the senses, such as holding a frozen orange or splashing cool water on your face.

2) Name it to tame it: Popularized by Dr. Diane Siegel, this step involves naming the fear and emotions experienced. Step back and examine what the fear is and what emotions you are feeling. Pay attention to the emotions without labeling them as negative or positive. Identify what triggered them and what your initial thoughts were. Actively think about these things while calm so you can name them and determine if they are more imaginary than real. Pay attention to how you gather information, what you fixate on, and what you ignore. Pay attention to how you make judgments about situations and how you interpret others’ behavior.

3) Talk about it and seek support. Talking about fear can help you process emotions, identify the triggers, and gain some perspective. It can make you feel less overwhelmed and more in control. Sharing your fears and getting support can help you find connections with others who experience the same fear, and can empower you to try new strategies to deal with your fear.

The primary goal of the coping phase is to stabilize and reduce the overwhelming nature of the fear, making it manageable and preventing you from acting on it.

Phase Two: Mastery: Once the fear is more manageable, the mastery phase focuses on actively confronting and overcoming it. The mastery phase reduces the power the fear has over your life through developing a sense of personal control and confidence in your ability to handle fear-inducing situations. This can involve identifying the components of the fear and learning how to neutralize them.

1) Self-directed exposure: This tool works by gradually facing the feared object or situation in a controlled, safe environment. Break down the fear into smaller chunks and start with the least triggering component. Relax, stay with it, and then repeat it. Visualization of the small step can come first. Visualize yourself successfully navigating the situation. Rehearse in your mind. Then you can progress to steps like watching a video of others preparing for or doing something you fear, observing others in person, trying it out with one person, etc.

2) Shift into action by remembering your goals. There was a reason you did something that triggered a fear. You were working toward a goal. Remind yourself of the why and what you were trying to achieve. Then you can focus on what you learned and the skills and strategies you may need to move forward.

3) Get to know patterns and core beliefs: Notice patterns like learned pessimism or helplessness, and other limiting or negative self-statements. These are sometimes based on your core beliefs about yourself and others. When you say you are afraid to start a new career or relationship, underneath that are beliefs such as I am not good enough, skilled enough, worthy of love or success. There are also beliefs you have about others, such as there is too much competition, people won’t like what I have to offer, etc. Working on challenging these beliefs and patterns and developing positive self-talk and optimism, can release you from fear.

4) Try having a synergistic mindset: A tool developed by Dr. David Yeager and colleagues at the University of Texas, Austin, the synergistic mindset is a combination of two mindsets. One is the growth mindset, the belief that ability is not fixed but can be developed with effort, effective strategies, and support from others. This mindset means you interpret challenging situations as beneficial because they lead to learning and skill development, and as controllable because what you need to do to overcome them or master them can be developed. The second, known as the stress-can-be-enhancing mindset, centers on the understanding that your physiological response (sweaty palms, racing heart, feeling jittery) can be positive because these changes mobilize energy and deliver oxygenated blood to the brain and tissues. And you know these can be controlled, where you can choose to take advantage of the enhanced capacity for performance, or you can redirect or calm down, rather than being worried and distracted by it. The empowering message is that both stressful events and stress responses can be harnessed in support of your goals.

Now we are going to focus on tools to manage and move through the negative cognitive responses of worry and Rumination.

1) Defusion: Defusion involves becoming aware of thoughts as they arise, rather than getting swept away by them. Instead of trying to change or get rid of thoughts, defusion encourages observing them as passing mental events, like clouds moving across the sky. Defusion techniques help create distance between yourself and your thoughts, reducing their impact on behavior. If someone is having the thought "I'm not good enough," defusion would involve recognizing that thought as just a thought, not a fact, and potentially labeling it as "the 'I'm not good enough' story". Then the shift is to think about the other stories or scripts that could also work.

2) Suspending judgment: This goes along with defusion. A judging mind is reactive and asks questions like: what is wrong with this person, the situation, or with me, what do I need to do to stay in control, whose fault is it, how can I win and how can I look good. Try approaching things from a curious beginner’s mind of what is here is just right for now, and take a fresh look by asking questions like: what is to be appreciated here, what can I learn, what can I enjoy or cherish, what are the choices I have.

3) Zoom out: When you’re in the middle of a situation that triggers a lot of stress, mentally zoom out. Imagine that you’re floating away and viewing the stressful situation as a detached, outside observer, rising above the scene. From this larger viewpoint, ask yourself whether the situation is worth worrying about. This is not a license to belittle or avoid problems; it is permission to gain some perspective. Another option is to zoom out in time. Imagine yourself one week, one month, one year, or even one decade from today. Assess how much the current situation will matter to you when that time comes.

4) Rehearse success: Instead of imagining how badly things might turn out, take a few minutes to mentally rehearse success. Picture yourself sailing through work presentations, family events, social gatherings, evaluations, or any other events you typically dread. Hear yourself performing well at presentations or during meetings. Feel what it would be like to overcome obstacles, accomplish goals, and resolve conflicts. Anticipating success can increase the chance that it will happen. It also does wonders for our level of confidence.

5) Postpone worry: Instead of worrying now, put it off. Schedule a time to worry later and tell yourself you’ll get around to it if you feel like it when the time comes. Some people like to pull out their calendars and pencil in a time to worry. This permits you to enjoy some peace of mind for the time being. Much of the time, the things you worry about never come to pass. By postponing worry, you save yourself needless mental wear and tear.

6) Write about it: Writing is a great way to slow thoughts down. Since the hand is slower than the mind, attempting to freeze your thoughts on paper puts the brakes on your racing thoughts. Writing is also a way to gain perspective. When your thoughts are sitting y in front of us on a piece of paper, they are often less stressful. Choosing to crumple or tear up that piece of paper and throw it away might help you toss the disturbing thoughts out of your mind as well.

7) Talk about it: Finding a sympathetic ear can work wonders when you’re stressed. Talking to a friend, family member, or counselor can be powerful. There are support groups, helplines, and professionals that can help you work through your worry and rumination. There’s no reason to experience pain alone and in silence.

8) Manage self-talk: There’s a conversation that goes on 24 hours each day inside your head, and it exerts a major influence on how you feel and behave. It is the constant stream of words and images that your brain manufactures. When you are stressed, thoughts such as “This is terrible,” or “This is the worst thing that could ever happen to me,” are accompanied by mental pictures of impending disaster. So, we have to flip the script by first noticing anxiety-producing mental conversations and self-talk and then replacing them with positive self-talk and images of the future.

9) Focus on the external world: It’s easy to live in your mind, trying to figure out why you feel the way you do. You can get so focused on yourself that you become self-centered, forgetting that the outside world even exists. Sometimes a simple change in focus is all that’s needed to break the cycle of distress. Take an active interest in the world around you. Shift your attention from “What am I feeling?” to “What needs doing?” Asking the latter question might lead you to vacuuming the living room, apologizing to a friend, finishing a project, or doing volunteer work. Even simple shifts of attention—noticing the colors in a room or the sounds on a nearby street, can lower your stress levels. As attention shifts to the world beyond you, you can feel refreshed and better able to handle stressful situations.

10) Focus on today: When you give total attention to what you are doing right now, you are less able to focus on the future or the past. You can merge with the task at hand, giving it your full attention, and then do the same with the next task, and the next. In the meantime, feelings of worry and stress will often subside.